Part I. Moving On  

It’s inevitable that at some point in our lives we will all experience traumas, defeats, and the loss of important relationships. The harsh awakening of these experiences causes the very foundation upon which we believed we were building our future to crumble beneath our feet. One day you think you’re living in your dream, the next you discover it’s the wrong dream—and yet you keep forcing or trying to make it work. When you are in pain and suffering as such, you have one of two choices:

1. Succumb to the difficult emotions that cause you so much imbalance and discomfort that you go unconscious, forget everything you learned, and/or automatically shift into all the old programs that you thought you’d overcome, or;
2. Get up, brush yourself off, take inventory of the things you learned, decide what you want different in your next creation, reset, apply the lessons to your life, and see what happens.

In the first option, which happens to many people, we become stuck in a thought loop equal to the emotions that we are living by. In doing so, we continue to suffer from old, familiar, emotional states—states which are perpetuated by us talking about our pain, our problems, our loss, and the people or things that have caused us suffering in the past. When someone is stuck in this state and can’t get beyond their past emotions, they seek out anything external to take away their pain and suffering,

Because it’s the internal that needs to be healed—the internal being old patterns of memorized thoughts, behaviors, and feelings—this is where you have to stand up and say, OK, that wasn’t it. I just had an experience, and that’s what life is all about. Now I have to create a new self, and in doing so I have to overcome the emotions of the past, because if I don’t, I’m going to keep creating the same experiences. Many people do this their whole life—live in the emotional pain of their traumas—because this allows them to point the blame at someone or something, rather than accept the responsibility of their creation.

Everybody has hard knocks in their life—no one gets a free pass. With regard to our human selves, if you’re paying attention it’s the hard knocks that build character, understanding, and compassion. When you are able to remove the emotional branding of certain circumstances and events, however, like the lotus flower that awakens in the face of sunlight, the soul awakens and moves closer to Source.

When things like this happen in your life, my suggestion is you take a moment to get intentional and write down what you want. If it’s a relationship, you might write down something such as, I want a loving, trusting relationship where I feel safe and supported, where I’m physically attracted to the other person, and connected to them on an intellectual, emotional, physical, and spiritual level. You might also want a partner who is fun, funny, spontaneous, adventurous, lighthearted, and emotionally and chemically balanced. You’ll probably also want them to feel love, joy, not be overly analytical, can let go of their problems, forgive you when you fall down, and trust they will still be there for you when you’re not your best. Thus, if you want all of those qualities in a person—a person who is a reflection of you in your life—then become that person you want to attract into your life.

Next write down the emotions you want to feel within that relationship, emotions that correspond to the vibrational alignment of all those qualities you’ve listed, such as, I feel lighthearted, respected, passionate, inspired, abundant and excited every time I see my partner, they feel like home, my heart swells with love when I see them, and so on. Once you know the emotions you want to feel, then think about how and who you are going to be in that relationship; then mentally rehearse those behaviors over and over until you become it. Finally, you need to trade the emptiness, pain, and lack for wholeness. That means you’re going to have to get into your heart and stay there, while you practice transmuting those limited emotions from your past into elevated emotions of your future. Love attracts love.

If you take the time to try it out, you just might be the very person that you want to meet. Now that’s a great relationship—with your new self.

In Part II: Getting Over, Dr. Joe shares how to order your next “happy meal.”