In my last post, I introduced a Dr Joe Live question from a woman named Chiara about her powerful connection with source – and the desire to return to that feeling of oneness. Here’s an excerpt:

At a recent retreat, I had a profound experience during one of the Walking Meditations. Life showed me what it really was; unlimited beauty readily available to everyone and everything at all times – because we are it, and it is us.  

My question is, can we feel this way all the time? Or even most of the time? How do we achieve this? Is it just practice and growth?

If you missed Part I of my response, you can read it here. Today, I want to expand on the ideas of predictability, control, and surrender.


Longing and Separation

When I heard Chiara’s question, I started to chuckle – because I saw myself in her. I know this situation well. How many times have I tried to predict when the next mystical experience would happen? How many times have I gotten in my own way, thinking I should – or could – control my experience of the unknown?

How often have I spent my days in separation from that moment of connection, waiting for it to happen – so it would take away my lack of not having it? Or analyzing what I could possibly be doing wrong? Or wondering if there was something wrong with me? I’ve come up against these challenges for years.

I’m sharing my experience because I know many of you are facing the same challenges. You’ve had a moment, and you want to get back to that transcendent place. You’re not alone in this desire. We’ve all been there.

We marvel at the fact that we had the experience. We relish the memory of what it felt like to connect to the divine source within. We remember that we felt an extraordinary sense of wholeness – and that we promised ourselves we’d never forget it. And we regret that, despite those intentions, the feeling began to wane within days.

And so, we start trying.

When we sit down to meditate – or stand, or lie down, or walk – all we can think about is how good it felt when we had that experience. We imagine what it would be like to return to it. We want to feel that feeling again.

And without realizing it, our practice becomes about returning to the place we were before – instead of entering the unknown.

But what we’re actually doing, in those moments of longing – of trying to replicate the experience without the feeling – is reinforcing our separation from it. We’re grasping at something; chasing after it. And that continuously amplifies the feeling of lack – of not having it.

As I implored Chiara in our Dr Joe Live conversation, please don’t try to force, control, or predict the outcome of your next experience. Because if you’re looking for it, you’re separate from it. And you can’t attract anything in your life you feel separate from.


Surrendering Outcomes – and Timing

Without question, the tools and methods Chiara is working with – particularly Walking Meditations, where we practice with our eyes open – are great portals to mystical experiences. But it’s important to remember that to truly experience the mystical, we have to let go of any attachment to an outcome – including how or when it’s going to happen.

Because – as I mentioned in Part I – predictability and repeatability are impossible in the quantum, it may seem like we sometimes arrive at a similar place, but we can’t arrive at a new outcome if we’re expecting it to happen the same way. If we’re trying to control the result, we’re actually limiting our creation.

That rule about predictability applies to timing as well as the experience itself.

Not only do we think we can control how we come into contact with the mystical or the unknown; we somehow think we can control when it happens.

That expectation is the exact thing that limits the likelihood of the moment occurring at all – because, if you can predict anything, that would mean it’s already known to you. In other words, it’s the opposite of the unknown.

Ironically, then, the only way to have the experience we seek is to stop seeking it altogether. And here, we have the delicate balance of intention and surrender.

So, looking for it, or unconsciously expecting it to happen in a certain way, at a certain time – during meditation, for example – is a huge limitation. It could happen when you lie down at the end of your practice. It could happen when you fall asleep on the couch at the end of a long day. It could happen while you’re staring into a fire, looking out a window, or standing at the sink washing dishes.

If you’re truly open; that mystical moment can find you at any time. In fact, our brain-imaging (fMRI) research shows that when we don’t expect anything to happen, that’s when the unexpected happens. It’s a paradox – but finding that balance is the work.


Learning to Be Satisfied With Your Effort

When we have these mystical, profoundly moving experiences, it’s very real to us; more real than what our senses alone can perceive. Such an encounter changes our understanding of the world, and it can never be the same for us.

It makes sense that in touching that greater frequency; that more unified, organized energy – which is love, by the way – we’d want to grow our awareness and experience of it in our waking lives.

It’s important to keep expanding your model and investing yourself in a deeper understanding of the principles at work. To keep learning. To practice living with the apparent tension between the mundane and the mystical.

It’s equally important to just – stay loose. Stay curious. Stay open and playful. And let it happen.

Make it be about your effort, not the result. Make it be about becoming so lost in the act, the act itself creates the experience ... about being so satisfied with your effort, you no longer care when or how the mystical encounter happens – because you already feel like the mystic.

And then, when you finish your meditations, take a moment and put your hands over your heart. Invite that experience back into your life at a time you would never expect it. And, as you reflect on your sincere effort, allow yourself to feel worthy to receive it – whenever it comes.