A couple of weeks ago, we started to examine what we mean when we talk about “becoming worthy.”
As I mentioned previously, our understanding of a complex word or idea is sometimes helped by first examining what it doesn’t mean. So, if you haven’t read part I in this series, you can find it here.
To create some context for what we want to talk about this week, let’s briefly summarize our understanding of what worthiness isn’t – and how unworthiness is likely to show up in our practice:
- Worthiness is not about blame.
- Worthiness is not about entitlement.
- Worthiness is not about self-importance and exclusivity.
- Unworthiness presents as resistance and lack of discipline to get beyond the familiar self – the thoughts, behaviors, and emotions connected to the same personality.
- Unworthiness is fear of the unknown.
- Unworthiness, ultimately, leads to creating the same future – based in the familiar past.
Before reading on, it’s important to take some time to think about each of those points. Can you see evidence of this in your own life? Are there ways unworthiness has manifested in your practice that you weren’t aware of before?
And now, ask yourself – how might we counter each of these points? If you can answer that question, you’re on your way to understanding what it means to become worthy.
What worthiness is
Worthiness is about accountability.
If we can confidently say the concept of worthiness is not about blame – or a punitive view of someone “getting what’s coming to them” – then it makes sense the opposite of blame is accountability.
What does this mean? It means taking responsibility for the personal reality we’ve created through our personality.
Before we can identify areas of our life we want to change; before we can identify the thoughts, behaviors, and feelings we want to change; before we can identify parts of our personality we want to change … we have to first acknowledge and own those aspects of ourselves – and our lives.
This means we stop blaming anyone or anything outside ourselves for the situation we’re in. We stop giving our power away to other people, objects, and things; our genes; our history – or anything else we use as reasons to justify staying in our known, familiar past.
Believing we create our own reality means we acknowledge that nothing can change in our lives until we change. Being accountable means being willing to examine what we need to change about ourselves to draw closer to the new future – the new personal reality – we envision.
And then, once we’ve made a commitment to change, accountability means we honor that commitment.
Worthiness is about unity and connection.
As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, you’ll never hear a worthy person ask these questions: “Why aren’t I healed yet?” “Where is my dream job?” “Why haven’t I found my ideal partner?”
Why not? Because those questions are based in separation and lack. And someone who feels worthy to receive is in a state of connection, unity, and grace. It would never occur to them to ask those questions – because they’re already experiencing what it feels like to be in that new future.
A person practicing in a state of worthiness knows that to heal, they must first become healed. To find love, they must first become love. And to manifest abundance in any form, they must first become grateful for what they already have.
If unworthiness is about a state of entitlement and separation – striving and pushing to create matter to matter in the 3-D world; expecting outcomes with minimal effort – then its opposite is connection based in humility and gratitude. And that leads naturally to the next point …
Worthiness is about surrender.
The best way to illustrate this is to share insights from people who have reached this state in their practice. Here’s what they say:
“I just decided to have a love affair with myself. That’s when I knew I'd be fine, no matter what happened. I finally trusted the future was real. When I was living by the same familiar emotions, I couldn’t believe or see that reality – because I was emotionally living in my past.”
“I was trying to get there physically – and getting frustrated because I wasn’t where I thought I should be. I finally stopped living in that state. And once I participated in a Coherence Healing™ – and was there solely to help somebody else, without any expectation of gaining anything for myself – that's when it happened for me.”
“Through the meditations, I got beyond myself every day and opened my heart – no matter how hard it was. No matter if I didn’t feel like doing it. I became kinder and more loving. Full of gratitude. The triggers never went away; the people with bad moods and tempers never went away. But how I chose to respond to them – versus react to them – was so much different.”
“I reached a point where I felt so grateful for life and who I became, I could care less about having my disease. And that’s the moment it literally changed. I guess I stopped trying so hard – and no longer identified with my condition.”
If you look closely at each of these reflections, you’ll see a pattern. In all cases, their focus shifted from the outer world to their inner experience. They detached from the outcome they thought they needed to be happy and grateful – and found, when they went within, they already were happy and grateful – without needing anyone or anything to get them there. They knew they’d be fine, “no matter what happened.” They “became kinder and more loving; full of gratitude.”
In other words, they detached from the outcome. They surrendered. They trusted.
And then what?
“That’s when it happened for me.” “I got beyond myself.” “It changed.”
When they let go of expectations – when they stopped trying to predict when and how it would happen and truly surrendered – those outcomes in the outside world became, in a sense, a “side effect” of their practice. At some point, they overcame their environment and the habit and emotions of the body – they overcame themselves – and let go of the results.
When we can achieve that, it’s no longer about the outcome. It’s about being so satisfied with our effort, so relaxed and aware in the generous present moment, we no longer want for anything. That is the ultimate state of worthiness.
What does feeling worthy look like in your practice?
If unworthiness presents primarily as resistance – that critical voice in our heads; all our reasons for starting “tomorrow;” giving up when it becomes uncomfortable; staying in the comfortable world of the familiar – then we can meet that resistance only through discipline, love, self-compassion, and embracing the unknown.
Worthiness means being aware of our body’s drive to stay in the familiar – and knowing we’ll have to settle it down, again and again. It means sitting with the discomfort of the unknown long enough to see what’s on the other side of that feeling and to connect with the field of infinite possibilities – the only place from which we can create. And finally, in that state, the unknown no longer feels scary. The unknown becomes the adventure.
When we’re in a state of worthiness, we show up for ourselves every day. Even when we’re tired. Even when the weather’s bad. Even when our arthritis is acting up and we don’t feel like it. Even when we have doubt. Even when we are in fear. Even when we think we don’t have enough time. Even when the critic in our head tells us it should have happened by now.
If we can overcome all that resistance … if we can overcome ourselves, and meet ourselves in practice, day after day, we’ll experience the same shifts and changes described above. We’ll know we’re in a state of worthiness just by showing up.
A fundamental concept in this work is: the universe gives us only what we think we're worthy of receiving.
When we consistently show up for ourselves, we’re letting the universe know: I’m here. I’m worthy. I’m ready to receive. In that one simple act, we’re taking responsibility for creating our personal reality. It means we believe in possibility. And to believe in possibility is to believe in ourselves. We’re consistently practicing changing our state of being – and that takes energy and awareness. It no longer becomes about the result; it becomes about the effort.
Now that we’ve examined worthiness in theory and practice, it’s time to take it a step – a literal step – further. We need to get so good at it with our eyes closed that we can then do it with our eyes open. We need to walk and live as people who are worthy and ready to receive.
We’ll talk more about practicing with our eyes open when we talk about the true meaning of the Walking Meditations in Part III.