This is my first post on this forum. I have been interested in quantum physics, LOA etc way before and had some moderate success in achieving tasks i set for myself.
As the title says, i have crossdreaming issue. Crossdreaming differs from crossdressing in a way that crossdressers are mostly men that wears womans garments as it feels 'right' to them and they want to 'take care of their feminine side' or they feel that they are in fact a women trapped in the male body. Some of those men decide to underwent a 'reassigment surgery".
Crossdreaming is a compulsory fetish in a heterosexual people, men mostly. Crossdreamer can achieve orgasm only if he's wearing woman garment/garments. Crossdreamers do not have homosexual fantasies or desires. And that is a category i fall into.
I will start off with that im 25 yo male, fit and pretty attractive according to some. I have no problem with confidence but as i was young i have been overweight and had hormonal imbalances, have been basically hopeless. Porn addiction appeared later in life and had been diminishing to once per week until it dissappeared after 50 days of abstaining. I have no urges or desires to watch porn and it is not my thing right now. Considering this from a crossdreamer perspective i can tell you that porn addiction at least for me is laughable. If porn can bring in people urge for sex strong enough to masturbate, then crossdreamers deal with tenfold stronger urge. If you put a garment to sexually stimulate your body, you stimulate more sense than just your vision of pixels on the screen. You feel your body under garment, womans sexy garment etc.
It is not a matter of just opening a browser with porn and squeezing a knob.
With crossdreaming come fantasy that is more real than pixels on the screen. It comes (pun not intended) with careful preparation, choosing garment and so on. It
is intense. To the point that sex wit the other person doesn't even come close, unless that person is open for crossdreamer fantasy.
It is strange but it basically feels like you are having fun with the person of the opposite sex. Thoughts keep popping into your head 'this feels so right, so good' but afterwards, even if you didn't orgasm you are baffled and shocked by your behaviour and just want to take off clothes as fast as possible, take a hot shower and then cold shower.
Just one thought and youre on autopilot. As i have no problem with keeping my consciousness in other areas of life, just one thought that pops up about crossdreaming drive and there's no consciousness. It can get really tough to follow path of abstaining from porn and orgasm to rewire a brain. Strangely i have no drive for porn no more but this one crossdreaming thing need to go.
Lately i have problems meditating due to those fantasies.
Tension that comes with not giving to my crossdreaming fantasies are just overwhelming. Sex addiction can be the worst of all kinds as it is the main drive in people and society.
All i want is to rewire my brain for extended period of time and then decide what is right for me.
If there are other people that can relate to my problem or problem of similar nature.
I really want to get over this but due to that addiction. I laid down smoking, alcohol, caffeine, porn, started retention and training, started fixing my relationship with people and it came naturally. But this one is monumental. Meditation killer.
Thread may serve as topic for different addictions.
btw. Im sorry for my English skills, also i type on my mobile.